How to Break the Silence and Start Hard Political Conversations
One of the most vital aspects of shaping change in our world is entering into relationship with our immediate communities.
Grace Lee Boggs said “The only way to survive is by taking care of one another.” Martin Luther King Jr. wrote “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.” Valarie Kaur talks about “finding a form of connection [with others] that allows us peace.”
In the midst of intersecting crises, it turns out: we need our people.
Not just for support and affirmation, but for pushback as well. The people we surround ourselves with can become our most generous supporters and our most critical accomplices. They can point out the flaws in our wild ideas and join us in our courageous acts of protest and creation.
But sometimes it can be hard to get real – even with our closest of people.
It can be hard to ask our friends to come along with us to a protest or join us in taking some kind of action. It can be terrifying to open a conversation with a coworker about ICE or the Trump Administration when we don’t know quite where they stand. It can certainly rock the boat if we dare to bring up politics at a family meal or gathering.
It can be easier to simply stay silent as our social groups – even the ones filled with our most intimate of connections – avoid ever really talking about what’s happening in our nation and communities.
And if this resonates, you know the feelings this experience can provoke: exhaustion, frustration, a profound sense of loneliness. Questions like: Where are the people who are talking about this? Why doesn’t anyone seem to care? Am I the only one?
You are not the only one.
You are not the only one sick to your stomach when you see the video of Alex Pretti's murder. Or Renée Good's. Or the pictures of Liam Conejo Ramos, the preschooler detained and used as bait last week outside Minneapolis. You are not the only one figuring out how to navigate living “in the midst of rupture,” as Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney recently called it.
If the folks around you aren’t talking about what’s happening in Minnesota or about the multitude of other fascistic happenings across our country, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t see it or they don’t care. It might just mean the relational conditions have not been set for the conversation to be made possible.
Unlike the story of the greengrocer from a few weeks ago, you can be the one to break the silence and shatter the illusion.
You can be the one to take the next, courageous step.
And the best way to open up a conversation-not-yet-had is to ask a question:
It might be a name-your-values question: I’m really disgusted by what’s happening in Minnesota; have you seen the news?
It might be a test-the-space question: Are you open to talking about what's happening in Minneapolis and what's going on in our country?
It might be a brainstorming question: With everything happening, what do you think we should be doing right now?
It might be a direct invite: I’m going to the anti-ICE protest tomorrow at 6pm. Would you like to come with me?
The power of a question isn’t in the answer; it’s in the alternative futures it makes possible. Questions open up realities and connections that were not available to us before asking. Questions allow for something new to emerge.
So as you enter this next week, I invite you to do the following:
Identify one person in your communities you would like to break silence with this week (or go deeper with.)
Ask them a question you think they might be open to and listen with curiosity for their response.
You might find a spark of connection and solidarity – perhaps even an accomplice – where you didn’t before.
An additional note on giving direct invites:
We've all be invited to things in a way that feels gross, coercive, and/or high-pressure.
Consent is everything. If you’re going to invite someone to join you in an activity, be clear with your invite and accept the response that comes, no matter what it is. Each of us gets to decide when and how to engage with this moment.
If you’re worried about coming off too strong or high-pressure, explicitly name that! You can give the person an offramp by saying, “no pressure” or “just let me know if this feels right – no worries if not.” (As long as it’s true!)
When we lead with consent, reject tactics of coercion, and attempt to reduce unnecessary pressure on folks, each of us has more spaciousness to feel into the truth of how we want to move forward.
