4 Layers of Solidarity and Relational Resilience

What does it really mean to act in solidarity with others?

If you ask a bunch of people, you’re likely to get a bunch of answers – each of us, after all, has our own ways we would like folks to show up with us and preferences for how to show up with others.

For me, the word “solidarity” brings to mind a couple very specific images:

1. a group of people moving together in protest against the inhumane and unjust;

2. two people sitting together in the midst of the heaviest of grief as if to simply say “and here we are, together.”

And if you asked me for my rough definition of solidarity, I think I’d offer something like this:

The development of relational resilience with one another, a shared understanding of reality and what is possible, and the building of collective power to transform conditions.

And I get it – that definition is a lot. And not very practical.

So below are four layers for how solidarity is developed:

1. Co-Regulation

2. Mutual Aid

3. Shared Analysis

4. Collective Action

Beginning with the layer I think is most often ignored or undervalued:

Co-Regulation

We are co-regulating with others everywhere we go – intentionally or not.

At the grocery store, in our schools, with our families: whenever a group is together, our individual nervous systems interact and engage in a form of dance with each other.

Our bodies are constantly tuning in to the emotional states of others, often without us even realizing it. This is what we experience when someone with curmudgeonly energy moves into our space, and we feel a tightening of our shoulders, a shifting away, and our heartbeat getting quicker.

Or when someone with light-as-a-feather energy comes near us and we feel ourselves letting our guard down, breathing deeper, and relaxing.

This communal interplay between people, nervous systems, emotions, and energies is what we refer to as co-regulation. (And note: it’s not always wanted or positive!)

Often, people think of co-regulation as the act of collectively shifting down into some neutral, calm, centered state.

But we don’t only co-regulate down like this – we also co-regulate up.

This happens when we create spaces of celebration and excitement and energy. (Imagine a big, loud dance party.) Or when we organize around our anger, sense of agency, and desire for action (protests, organizing meetings, etc.)

To move in solidarity with each other, all of this is needed.

When we create spaces where co-regulation is intentional between people (where we can both up-regulate and down-regulate together), we begin to develop shared practices and culture that allows us to deepen our relationship resilience.

And this is what allows us to move sustainably side-by-side toward a shared goal; to navigate rupture and repair together in the midst of conflict; to stay connected with each other even as societal forces seek to pull everything and everyone apart.

Make it practical:

Reflection:

Take a few moments to reflect on the communal spaces you engage with regularly: your workplace, your family, volunteer organizations, faith communities.

How do your nervous systems interact with each other in shared space? Are there individuals or actions that tend to lead to the group co-regulating up? Are there individuals or actions that tend to lead the group to co-regulating down? How intentional is co-regulation in the space (is there shared language for it?) How often are you aware of how others’ nervous systems and behaviors are impacting yours?

Next Steps:

1. Begin to notice and name when up-regulation and down-regulation is occurring with people around you: “When you show up like that, I feel myself getting activated.” “How can I show up better so you feel more at ease?” “I realize I just said something because I was feeling defensive; let me take a step back and call myself down for a moment.”

2. Speak with others in your community about how you might be more intentional in developing shared spaces and practices where you can intentionally up-regulate as well as down-regulate together. (Some up-regulation examples: parties, singing, dancing, exercise. Down-regulation examples: group breathing exercises, nature walks, humming, muscle relaxation exercises.)