What is the Inner Critic?
In popular culture, we’re told the inner critic is a singular voice in our heads.
It’s often given its own personality, likes, dislikes, cares, passions, and fears. We often treat our inner critic as if it’s a homunculus living in our brain, trying to take over the entirety of our being. And it’s angry.
But this is a misunderstanding of the inner critic – and it has massive consequences for us.
The truth is much more nuanced:
The inner critic doesn’t only speak with one voice.
The inner critic doesn’t always speak with a voice.
The inner critic developed in order to protect us.
The inner critic doesn’t only speak with one voice.
This was always a problem for me.
The phrase “inner critic” never resonated with me because hearing from a singular critical inner voice in my head never matched my experience. I knew I had negative inner narratives, but they certainly didn’t all come from one voice. They would pop up using different words, informed by various triggers, and in all types of contexts. It was as if I had many inner critics, all acting to keep me from feeling okay with myself.
And when I spoke with folks, this experience was repeated again and again.
People would name all types of messages they had – inner narratives – that constricted their sense of purpose, meaning, and connection with their True Self.
Here are 9 of the most prominent and consistently named constricting narratives:
I am not good enough.
I am not important.
I am not lovable.
I am alone.
I am worthless.
I am not in control.
I am not free.
I am my trauma.
I do not know who I am.
(from my book Unmasking the Inner Critic)
Instead of thinking of the inner critic as a little being inside our heads shouting mean messages to us (and sometimes whispering them, too), it’s important to firstly get rid of the image of the little being.
It’s not “someone else” inside us.
It’s a part of us, trying in a myriad of different ways to protect us (more on this later.)
When we get rid of the “one little being, one big voice” image of the inner critic, we can let go of our desire to exorcize it, and instead learn to move with all the different, unique, and subtle ways it works within our minds and our bodies.
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The inner critic doesn’t always speak with a voice.
Did I mention minds and bodies?
There’s a reason I use the word “constrictions.” The inner critic constricts us, much as a tree’s roots constrict during the winter or our veins constrict when it’s cold. It isn’t just a psychological feature or cognitive framework we can think ourselves beyond – it impacts our bodies and the ways we move through our communities.
Here are some ways it shows up, beyond just the narratives we might hear: (This is a super incomplete list.)
high blood pressure,
problems sleeping,
muscle tension,
feeling antsy,
headaches,
dizziness,
nausea.
Because of this, working with our inner critic must involve our bodies and learning to hear and understand its language.
As Richard Rohr says,
We do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.
Here are some ways our bodies communicates with us:
Vibrations
Images and thoughts
Meanings, judgments, stories, and explanations
Behaviors, movements, actions, impulses, and urges
Affect and emotions
Sensations
Imaginings
(This framework comes from the powerful work of Resmaa Menakem, a trauma specialist focusing on white supremacy in the body. For more on this, check out his book My Grandmother’s Hands and his course Foundations in Somatic Abolitionism.)
Try checking in with yourself for each of these throughout the day. You’ll likely become aware of new things happening within you that you had never noticed before.
The inner critic developed in order to protect us.
When we experience this imperfect world, no matter our position within it and with all the illusions it foists upon us, none of us come away unscarred.
We experience layoffs and divorces, the deaths of loved ones, and the pressure of structural systems like white supremacy and heteronormativity. We experience pain and shame and guilt, our own internal shiftings, and challenges – again and again and again – to how we see the world.
As the brilliant spiritual teacher Mirabai Starr writes in Wild Mercy, “shit happens.”
And in response, we create narratives, beliefs, and behaviors that help us to situate and settle ourselves in the world. These help us survive and cope with what can so often feel like constant chaos.
This is how our inner critic protects us – and constricts us.
Here’s an example:
When I was young, I developed a sense of not being good enough.
This belief protected me from all types of challenges. If I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t need to try too hard. I didn’t need to go all-out. I could find the things I excelled in and abandon everything else. This belief protected me from failure in all domains of my life.
But over time, what protected me also constricted me.
This belief stopped me from being as social as I wanted to. It stopped me from working toward being physically healthy and from following exciting new opportunities.
More than anything, this belief that had developed to protect me kept me out of touch with my inherent dignity, constricted socially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
If you’re anything like me, I bet your inner critic is just as innovative in the ways it protects and constricts you. (Which means you’re innovative because your inner critic is a part of you!)
We humans seem to be really good at this.
There always seems to be a new way to forget the beautiful possibility born within each of us and unburden us of our inherent dignity.
This is where inner work comes in.
We cannot eradicate our inner critic – nor should we!
Instead, the path toward healing is through consistent, intentional, inner work – the ongoing process of learning to become acquainted with one’s inner life in the midst of an imperfect world. This inner work can begin with books and podcasts, but eventually it must involve embodied practice and community. (And for most of us, therapy is a phenomenal tool for inner work.)
Here is my five-step process for finding a daily inner work practice that fits you.
The Wednesday 1-2-3
Teachings, Questions, Resources.
Every Wednesday, I share:
1 contemplative and embodied teaching,
2 questions for your inner work, and
3 resources to go deeper and engage in your communities.
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A Little About Me:
I support folks who feel done (or done-ish) with traditional religious institutions engage in their inner work through a blend of somatic shadow work, introspective examination and journaling, contemplative spirituality, and with an embodied focus on shifting how we show up in our communities.
In 2022, I wrote my first book Unmasking the Inner Critic: Lessons for Living an Unconstricted Life, which Brian McLaren called “a beautiful and accessible guidebook to help you do the inner work central to the act of being human.”
My approach is influenced by my time at the Living School for Action and Contemplation, where I sat at the feet of modern mystics Richard Rohr, Cynthia Bourgeault, Barbara Holmes, Brian McLaren, and James Finley, my ongoing training in integrated parts work and somatic awareness, and my daily practice of walking, questioning, and holding space with others.
